Funny Short Quotes

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield


"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein


"You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try."
Short and funny quote by, Homer J. Simpson.

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosbey.

"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be"
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.


"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Short and funny quote by, Dave.

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
Short funny quotes by, Franklin P. Jones.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Short funny quotes by, Erica Jong.

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

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